


Six Feet Under

by Annie_Sutcliff



Category: NCT
Genre: Heart Break, Heart broken, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, heart broke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 09:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16302458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Sutcliff/pseuds/Annie_Sutcliff
Summary: Something deep inside him tells the feeling he has when Winwin's hands hold his arms, is unique. The warmth that spread through all places Sicheng touched him, bringing with itself a happiness he has never felt before... He knows he won't find it ever again, and to that realization, he cries harder.





	Six Feet Under

**Author's Note:**

> idk but its sad af  
> i really wanted more yuwin fics so i decided to write it myself. but it ended up being way more sad than expected... sorry not sorry  
> feel free to live comments Id love to hear everyones opinion  
> I didn't read it twice because my computer is gonna die at any sec so sorry for any mistakes ill correct then later

_"Grow up Yuta!" Taeyong scream echoes through the room, His slender figure shadowing Nakamoto. "Enough is enough!"_

Yuta closes his eyes and press his palms strongly against his eyelids as they shake. He tries to take in deep breathes, but he can't concentrate. Images flash in his mind, and they make the knot in his throat become tighter and tighter until the first sob breaks through his tight closed lips.

_"I'm s-sorry  Yuta Hyung I never thought... Never thought you saw me this way."_

His legs shake even though he's sitting down, and that now familiar pain is washing over him again. As if a strong hand is now holding his heart and squeezing, tighter at each time he breaths. Yuta knows this pain is not physical, but it hurts so badly he think it might be.

_"You say that because you don't know how I feel, Hyung! You don't know how much it hurts!" Yuta screams back, as he gets up as well, still incapable of facing Taeyong face to face. Both their expressions are contorted in anger._

_"How do you know that?" Taeyong says slowly, "How do you know, that I had never felt the exact same pain you're feeling right now?"_

The first tear rolls down lonely until it falls from his chin to his lap, and from there on, he cries in ugly sobs as he slides his hands through his hair, looking up, as if he searches for something.  Yuta closes his eyes one more time, letting the salt water dripping from his face, as he allows himself to feel. It's been 10 days, and the sensation is still so clear.

_"I'm the one who should say sorry, Winwin-ah." after a silence that extended so tense, that Yuta, could almost feel it if he reached his hands. And he did, but to cup Sicheng's cheek. He whispers slowly. "I jumped to the wrong conclusions, it's my fault."_

He sobs again, and quickly covers his mouth. He doesn't want any of the members to hear. He doesn't want anyone to walk him, pat his back and tell it'll be okay. He doesn't care if it'll be okay, he doesn't care that one day that pain will go away. He's not leaving that so called one day, he's leaving right now and he allows himself to sink in in a way he has never done before.

_"What... do you mean?" Yuta asks, lower and surprised._

_"Exactly what I said."_

He gets up, still holding his hair in his hands, knowing he probably looks like an insane men. He feels like one. Yuta has never had his heart broken before, but more than that, he has never felt that before. What he feels when Sicheng smiles wildly at him, all teeth and tiny eyes, looking so truly happy, he has never felt before.

When he whispers his name as they watch animes together, to get Yuta's attention to tell him he's tired and doesn't want to watch it anymore, and Nakamoto pretends he hasn't heard, just so he can be called with such low and tender voice again. 

And something deep inside him tells him he won't feel again.

_Sicheng takes Yuta's hand away from his face, to hold it with both his hands, close to his chest._

_"I wish I truly I could reciprocate your feelings, Hyung. I think you're sad or angry at me right now, but if you want-"_

_Yuta always loves when Sicheng shows affection towards him, but at the moment he wishes Winwin didn't care about him._

Something deep inside him tells the feeling he has when Winwin's hands hold his arms, is unique. The warmth that spread through all places Sicheng touched him, bringing with itself a happiness he has never felt before... He knows he won't find it ever again, and to that realization, he cries harder.

_Taeyong turns around, but not before Yuta catch a glimpse of sadness in his eyes. He's shoulder falls, and he walks to the door to walk out. Right before he closes it behind he's back, he says, without turning._

_"It's your right to feel your pain, but feel it without hurting the others. It's not Winwin's fault, it's not Taeil's fault, it's not my fault. It's not anyone else's fault Yuta."_

He tries to think where things went wrong, and closing his eyes, Yuta tries to view every single time he thought Sicheng loved him back.

_"Hyung, you're crying!" Sicheng says alarmed as he let go of his hand and reaches out to touch Yuta's cheek. When he flinches and turn his face away, Winwin freezes._

He remember the way he Sicheng used to look at him. How he's eyes shone with hope and tenderness. How, no matter how many times he'd dodge from the other's touch, he'd always let Yuta's arm rest in his shoulder, or hold his hands. Winwin would gladly show off his flexibility when Yuta asked, because his hyung truly thought he was amazing, and loved to see everything he was capable of doing after his hard work.

Yuta sits down, eyes still closed, and he remembers when Winwin asked him to sing for him. He said he doesn't hear Yuta's beautiful voice enough, so he wanted to listen to it more. And he'll never forget the way Sicheng looked at him as he sang, and how at that moment he decided he had to confess his love, because he couldn't accept waste more time apart from him. More time being unable to call Sicheng his every single day of his life.

_"Am I, Winwin-ah?" he laughs humorless, but not sarcastically, quickly whipping his lonely tear. He's simply... devastated. "Sorry, I'm just slightly overwhelmed."_

_Sicheng tried to approach Yuta again, but this time, he extended his arm to keep him away._

But now he knows he'll never be able to call Sicheng the love of his life, and when he says it out loud, he thinks it sounds ridiculous. Even though he can't quiet say why. He can imagine that, as the members say, one day it'll be better, but far from Doyoung's words, he doesn't think it'll ever stop. It might hurt a little less, but it won't stop.

That reminds Yuta of something he heard once. He can't remember where, or who said it, or why, but he does remember it clearly because it's something, just like Winwin warm touch, that he'll never forget.

_Sicheng eyes look broken as he stares at Yuta's face. Yutas has never before pushed him away. Never._

_"Sorry, Sicheng..." Yuta whispers, letting him arm fall. He puts a smile on his face, but he imagine how cracked it must look. "I wanna be alone now, okay?"_

"You just love truly 2 times in your life. First, when you have your first love, and then you spend the rest of your life trying to find someone who's gonna close the emptiness they let inside you, and the last, when you finally found that someone."

Yuta's not sure if he's ever gonna find that other person. He's not sure if he does want to look for them. There is no other person he wants in his life that is not Dong Sicheng. 

Finally Yuta opens his eyes as he realize he's not crying anymore. He's not even feeling anymore, actually. He's chest feels truly empty, for the first time in he's life, and he can't scared as facing that. Yuta never thought "the emptiness they let inside you" could be so real. 

He walks to the wall where the small mirror is placed and look at himself. Nakamoto doesn't recognize what he sees. Its broken, ugly, sad, empty, crooked. He doesn't like it, as he realize he would never like a version of himself who doesn't has Sicheng, because now Sicheng doesn't crawl to his bed anymore. When they watch anime, Sicheng doesn't let his arms rest comfortably on Yuta's chest. He avoids to smile too widely at him, avoids to touch his hands, avoid to laugh too loud when they're close.

And so Yuta's mind feel clouded. He's lost. He doesn't know what to do. He's scared. 

Shaking once again, he stares at his own eyes in the mirror for so long, as he's staring directly into he's crooked and broken heart, that he lost track of time. At some point, he's legs give in, and he kneels, staring at the floor, with that empty whole consuming him, to the point he doesn't even think of anything.

_"OKay Hyung... I'll go now. Sorry." Winwin says briefly, before turning around and marching to someone else's room. He shouldn't have to be the one sleeping outside his room, Yuta thinks, he shouldn't be the one living with his shoulder shaking and tears dripping from his face to the floor... but he doesn't move. Deep down, Yuta wants Sicheng to suffer, even the tiny bits._

When the door opens, Yuta barely hears it. When someone steps in the room and get in his line of sight, he barely sees it. And when Sicheng kneel in front of him and hold him by the shoulders, he can barely feel it.

"Yuta! What happened?" He says, snapping Yuta out of his trance. When his eyes finding him, she shivers. "You look... wrecked. Taeyong was at the corridor, he was crying, what is going on Yuta Hyung..." he's voice slows down as he cups Yuta's cheeks in his hands and lift it, so his looking at him, he slide his thumbs under Nakamoto's eyes, and just then Yuta realize he has been crying. "What happened, Yuta?"

Yuta's mind is still so clouded, but when Sicheng whispers his name, it's as if he's heart has been lighting up by a flame, and he's not sure if he likes it. The flame gets stronger and stronger and it becomes a fire until Yuta's chest is hurting so much again as he looks Winwin right in the eyes, and hold he's  face as well, to touch his forehead Sicheng's.

Where they touch each other, burns on Yuta's skin.

"You." He whispers so low, that if even if there were someone else in the room, they wouldn't be able to hear. "You happened, Sicheng."

Winwin doesn't answer. There's doubt, fear and confusion in his eyes. He looks all over Yuta's face, and falls silent. Not knowing what to say, he whispers sorry.

"Don't apologize. You love me, don't you? As a friend. You said that." He sounds so exasperated Sicheng holds him tighter. He nods slowly, foreheads still touching.

"So would you kiss me now?"

Sicheng freezes. His eyes are wide and his mouth is open. Yuta can see his reflex in his love's eyes, and he soon understands why. Winwin is holding back his tears. 

"Please." Yuta mumbles, getting even closer, and closing his eyes. Sicheng's breath touch is warm against his lips. He slide one of hi hands so he's holding the back of his neck, as tenderly as humanly possible. "Please, Sicheng... Just once."

When he feel the soft lips touching his, alongside the tear drops who touch his finger, Yuta knows he just dig his own grave. And he suddenly felt afraid he was going to take Sicheng with him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading i hope you liked it


End file.
